i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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