Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
