I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
