yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
