Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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