Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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