They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
