Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
