Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
