hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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