i barfeds in our rink
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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