It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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