I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
