my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
