with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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