I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
