gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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