A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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