I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
