Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
