so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
