i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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