I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
