im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
