Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
