I am puke
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
