Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
