Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
