NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
