I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
