That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
