Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the day after is always just damage control
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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