Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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