if you like me you must not know who I am
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
