I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
