I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
