Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is the high leading the old right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
