Non-Jews are for practice
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
