i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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