She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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