i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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