Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
