Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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