we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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