one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
