I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
