someone get that fucking seahorse.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
