Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
