East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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