Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
