I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
