i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
