WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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