I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
